I stepped waaaaaay out of my comfort zone today and did something I haven't done in a long time.  It was scary and I shook a little bit.  But I did it. I think it went well, hopefully I'll hear good news on Thursday. Funny how the scary things can make you feel a little more alive, huh.

I attended a funeral today.  It was a beautiful service for someone who was, by all accounts, rather extraordinary.  I didn't know him at all; sadly, I don't even recall if he came to my wedding.  But he was Richard's uncle, so of course I went with him. Naturally, being at the funeral left me wishing I had known him.  He sounds like a really good guy.

But I think what really hit me today was the part at the cemetery.  The sky was overcast, the wind was blowing, and rain drops were falling. And without faltering or even any hint that they noticed the weather, several elderly men stood in a line.  They were members of the American Legion, and they were there to give Richard's uncle his military tribute.

I've seen this before, and on several occasions, but it never fails to bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.  They stood up so straight, even the ones who had to make a little bit more effort not to hunch.  There was real emotion on their faces.  They took this seriously, and when they each saluted the flag, a few grew misty-eyed.  And I wondered how many times they've done this.  How many fellow soldiers have they honored in this way, and it still brings the tears.

After the 21 shots had been fired, the familiar notes of TAPS began to play.  There was just something about it today, being in the rain and the wind that made this time different than all the others.  When the final note sounded, it was almost haunting in its melancholy.  It was very emotional and I was so glad I was there to be a part of it....even if I was only huddled in a crowd of my husband's mostly-unknown-to-me extended family, choking back sobs and feeling such a love and appreciation for these little old men I don't know.

I'm not sure why the patriotic aspects of things affect me like that....but I'm glad they do.

In a nutshell

I'm a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I love cats (especially mine), glitter, and palm trees.
I can stand up for myself. I can fall apart.
I bake. I play games. I like trivia. I suck at bowling.
I follow the cases of missing people. I used to openly cheat at miniature golf.
I have a big heart. Sometimes too big for my own good.
I'm a good cook.  I'm messier than I should be.  I love the Pacific ocean.
I have a hard time sleeping at night. I want to learn how to decorate cakes.
I love old people, especially little old men.  I cry easily. I love Independence Day.
I like history and cemeteries. I'm allergic to everything.  I like laughing.
I like making homemade crafts and cards.  I try to be a good listener.
I like sappy movies and buttered popcorn.  I've held a monkey and a goat.
I want to be a mother.  I have the best husband in the world.  I love nature.
I read a lot. I take hot baths. I spoil my cats. I love my nieces and nephews.
I believe in second and third chances.  I have a ton of regrets. I hate snow and winter.
I like checking the mail. I have a really good memory. I forgive easily.
I like Diet Coke and drink mixes. I like earrings. I'm shy but only at first.
I love BYU Basketball. I love crab legs but I don't like fish. Penguins always make me smile.
I can listen to the same song over and over and over again. I know I have a lot to learn.
I get homesick for people and places that aren't my home.  I start projects but don't always finish them.
I like to help people. I get a lot of headaches. I sing all the time.  I like road trips. I'm a sucker for Bingo.
I often feel like I'm not "enough."

I know a lot about myself. But I still don't know my purpose. Or who I really am. 

Sometimes I think I'm the only one who feels this way.

There are certain days that just hit me hard.  June 8. June 26th. And April 17th.  April 17th is the day my grandpa Keith passed away.  And although it's been 12 years (and I've blogged about it before) I still miss him every day.  

Twelve years.  He's been gone more than a third of my life. That seems about right, but then it seems like it couldn't possibly be that long, because I can still hear his voice.  I can still see the twinkle in his eye and the dimple in his chin. I have such sharp memories, and while that's a blessing, it's somewhat double-edged.  When you can't forget, the pain doesn't fade as much or as quickly.  I feel his absence in our family profoundly, just as I'm sure everyone in our family does.  

Someone made a page for him on findagrave.com, even though he has no grave site.  He was cremated.  I didn't know what to make of that at first, but I decided I like it.  Someone took the time to remember him and make a physical note that yes, he lived. I've had a hard time with the lack of a grave. I know that cemeteries are really just for the living, and that I can talk to him anywhere, but still.  There's that sense of closure that never really came.  

Donny, Vegas, and a Sad Goodbye

We spent most of this week in Las Vegas, for Richard's yearly work conference.  They mix it up every year, so this is only the second Vegas conference in 5 years.  Next year is New Orleans, Louisiana.

It was rainy and very windy, so the pool (the super cool one that has a water slide going through a shark tank) was closed for 3 of the 4 days we were there.  That was okay though, I guess.  We had enough to keep us busy.  Richard was in class from 9 to 5:30 every day, except for a 2-hour lunch break.  We were able to score nearly half-priced tickets to Donny and Marie (which fulfilled a four year promise to me from Richard!)  as well as tickets to Gordie Brown. 

"Donny and Marie" has been voted the #1 show, performer and singer (Donny) in Vegas.  I can see why.  They had a lot of energy and humor in addition to packing their show full of music.  Granted, I wasn't expecting (and could have done without) Marie Osmond doing a mash-up of "Walk This Way," "These Boots Were Made for Walking," and "Any Man of Mine,"  but hey, whatever.  She redeemed herself by performing one of my favorite songs. I had no idea Marie could do opera. And so well!  

But let's be honest.  We went to see Donny.  He did not disappoint.  Even Richard liked it, and that's saying a lot  (Poor Donny is known as "Big-Head Square-Chin" around these parts). My favorites included his performances of "Close Every Door" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and "Moon River"  (skip to 1:30 in the video). He did this as a tribute to Andy Williams, and he nailed it.  I didn't cry or anything, but I did get a little choked up.  But I'm pretty sure a lot of other people did, too. I was surprised he didn't perform "Twelfth of Never" or "Go Away, Little Girl,"  opting instead to do "Dynamite" by Tao Cruz, but again, whatever.

Overall review: If you like the Osmonds, you'll like the show.  I was expecting at least something about their brothers, but I guess Donny singing "Crazy Horses" is as close as I got.  I hate that song. I always have. It gives me the heebie-jeebies, I don't know.  It gave Richard the giggles, though, so this time it wasn't that bad. :)  We were only able to go because we found discount tickets the day of the show.  Our seats were really good because the theater is pretty small. Unless you're a superfan, the cheap seats should serve you well.  

Gordie Brown is an impressionist-musician-comedian that performs at the Golden Nugget.  We went because the GN gave us discount tickets when we checked in.  His routine had a lot of funny parts, and we laughed often, but it also had some rather low humor that just went on and on.  We were ready for it to end, so take that as you will.  

Last time we stayed on Fremont Street, the concerts they had nightly on the big jumbo screen thing lasted about 20 minutes.  We only saw one this time, The Doors, and it lasted about seven minutes.  That was surprising.  

We were planning on playing Bingo the last day, but we just didn't have the oomph to stay in Vegas any longer than we had to.  We were just ready to get home.  It wasn't a bad trip, and I did win 50 bucks playing the slots (but then of course I lost it a few days later), but Vegas just doesn't really appeal to us. 

While we were gone, Richard's family's cat Korkie passed away.  She was 18 years old and we knew it was coming, but it still hit us pretty hard.  Richard's mom talked to us the night before and whispered in Korkie's ear that we loved her.  She passed away at home, and I'm glad she didn't have to get euthanized.  I'll miss her.  When we first met, we didn't really get along.  She was the first cat I just didn't care for.  But then we overcame our differences and got really close.  Richard and I considered bringing her to our house, but it just wasn't meant to be.  I'm glad she's out of pain, but being in that house just won't be the same without her.  That's one reason we were so ready to be home--  we wanted to come home and love on our "kids," our cats Tony and Rock. 

I love vacations, but I'm glad to be home.  Now I'm looking forward to planting our garden, going fishing, and everything else I love about summer. 

I can't believe we're already into April.  I feel like I just wrote that last post, but that was clear back in December.  This year is moving crazy fast.  We've already been on our cruise (which was fabulous), and tomorrow we leave for the yearly Chameleon Conference that Richard's job sends him to every year.  We've been to conferences in Las Vegas, San Diego, Amelia Island, Florida, and Fort Lauderdale.  This year we're headed back to Vegas.  I'm kind of glad it's only in Vegas this year.  We can drive, for one thing.  After the cruise trip, I've had my share of airport shenanigans.

I'm so glad spring is here.  I have a hard time with winter, so leaving a ton of snow to go to the Caribbean was incredible. We got to experience some once-in-a-lifetime-cross-it-off-my-bucket-list things. We went snorkeling in Costa Maya, Mexico.

We hiked through a rain forest (!) and tubed down some very beautiful cave systems in Belize City, Belize.

This was our view floating down the river after the caves.  I didn't want to leave.

We went to a place called Gumbalimba Park in Roatan, Honduras. This is where I made some new friends:

After this, we went to Tabyana Beach.  We spent about an hour there before going back to the boat, but I got to soak my feet in crystal clear water.  Heaven!

And for our last excursion, we got to see ancient Mayan ruins in Tulum, Mexico.  Yep, we got to see where they performed human sacrifice.  So crazy.  I admit I was a little preoccupied on this one, because on our way to the ruins, I biffed it down some stone stairs. It hurt.  In fact, I still can't kneel on my left knee.  But I was a trooper! :)  As an added bonus...these ruins are right near one of the most beautiful sights.

Seriously, looking at the water was like looking in my crayon box.  Dark blue, light blue, aquamarine, turquoise, blue-green.....they were all there and all so beautiful.  Definitely my favorite part.

Those were our excursions off the boat.  But on our boat, the Norwegian Star, we had a lot of fun, too.  We tried to be involved, and boy, did we succeed.  By the end of our week, Richard and I were being recognized quite a bit!  He participated in a karaoke contest, we played trivia, and we went to some shows. But the reason we were so well known is because of an activity  called "The Perfect Couple."  Richard signed us up, and then one of the cruise staff announced that this wasn't a question and answer game.  This was physical challenge stuff.  We were dressed up because we'd had formal pictures taken and I was crossing my fingers we wouldn't get picked.  And lo and behold, they called our names first.

I don't have any pictures, so I'll try to explain the best I can.

We were competing against two other couples for the title of The Perfect Couple.  We had to complete challenges and we were being timed.  Sounds easy, huh. Keep in mind there are a few hundred people watching this.

Challenge #1)  I had to kneel behind Richard and take a lemon out of an ice bucket, put it up his pants leg, clear across  (yeah, they were oooooohing and cheering when I got halfway), and down his other pants leg.

Challenge #2) This time I was blindfolded and had to hold a big broomstick between my legs.  I had to walk across the stage and try to insert the broom handle (still between my legs) into a roll of toilet paper that Richard had between his legs.  Like I said, we were dressed up, so Richard was wearing his slacks....the slippery kind. The toilet paper wouldn't hold still.  I imagine he was sweating bullets at the sight of me charging toward him with a huge stick.

Challenge #3)  I had to sit in a chair holding a cup between my knees. Richard was blindfolded now, and had a bottle of water between his legs.  I had to guide him and he had to fill up the cup by squeezing his legs together.  I got all wet. :) At first he didn't realize that there was a spout in it, so he was splurting water out before the game started.  Without thinking about it, I blurted out  (and into the microphone) "No, babe, that's a little premature."  HAHAHAHA I'm naughty but it got a really good laugh.

Challenge #4) This is the one where we really won the audience over.  Richard was in the chair and I had to run across the stage with a balloon between my legs, then pop it in his lap.  Then I had to run back for a second balloon, run back (with it between my legs), and pop it against his back.  Then the same thing, against his chest.  Finally, the last one, Richard had to lay on the floor and I had to pop it however.  So I ran. And I jumped on him.  HAHAHAHA there were people cheering, and some had their mouths open wide.  I mean, really, I'm not a small person.  They couldn't believe I'd slam into him like that to pop a balloon.  But I did. And it worked.  And Richard took it like a man. :)  It was hilarious.

They ended up naming all of us The Perfect Couple, which was nice.  Then they said to wave to the camera, because not only did they film this, it was being shown on TV in all the cruise rooms.  That was a real treat, let me tell you.  Turns out my in-laws watched it a couple times.  AND we made the end-of-cruise "best of" video that they showed in all the public areas on the last day.  Every time I looked up, BAM! I was jumping onto Richard to pop that balloon!  Too funny. I wish I had pictures. Wait, no I don't. I don't need to see that again.

Before we went to the airport, we took a bus tour of New Orleans.  Some of the stops were really interesting (the cemetery), knowing the areas had been hit by Hurricane Katrina, but for me, New Orleans was my least favorite part of the trip.  Actually, I lie. We got delay after delay in Denver, so that was my least favorite.

I really miss looking out my window and seeing the ocean (or even the Mississippi River).  I miss being able to explore new places, foods, and experiences with Richard.  But I'm happy for the memories, and we definitely made a ton.  We're already saving our pennies to go on another cruise.

....And a Happy New Year!

I haven't written much in the last several months.  Lots has happened, much has stayed the same, and yet I had no inclination to write.  That's kind of weird for me, because writing has sort of reignited as my favorite form or catharsis these days.  My usual is to drive and sing and just get it out, but we're down to one car, and the hubs usually has it.  So, you know, writing works too.

I hope you all are having a very happy holiday season.  Thanksgiving was really nice, Christmas Eve, too.  We felt the cold sting of not having certain loved ones around, but we still had a great time.  Remember my resolution of figuring out/successfully making Beef Wellington? NAILED IT! Christmas was spent watching a marathon of Man Vs. Food, finishing some Christmas presents, and taking down all my decorations.  Surprisingly, it turned out pretty great.

I've already been thinking of what resolutions I should make for the upcoming year.  Some are obvious, some not so much.  I've been doing a lot of introspection, and I have to admit I don't really like a lot of what I see.  This seems like a good as time as any to face it and decide to try and change.  Until recently, I've never been one for resolutions, but you know, the time is going to go by anyway, so I might as well make a real effort to make it worthwhile.

If you make your own resolutions, I wish you good luck in your endeavors.  Either way, I hope 2013 treats you very well.  Happy New Year!