Remember when I said I was going to embrace winter this year? Well...it's only November and I already give up. I sort of forgot that when fall turns to winter, I get more than the occasional blah. For some reason it hits me pretty hard every year. If today and yesterday were any indication, I'm in pretty deep this year. Not to say I spent all day drowning in my tears or littering my floor with kleenex. Maybe if I could actually cry it out, I'd feel better. But that hasn't happened yet.
Nah, I actually enjoyed the bit of sunshine we got today. More like there's a shift in my soul somehow. Not even sure that makes sense. Everything seems harder, less meaningful, and hardly worth the effort. I hate the cold. I hate snow. I hate worrying about my family and friends driving in storms. But that's not "it." There's something intrinsic that occurs every year, and I wish I could really put it into words. But I can't. All I can say is that I'm not meant for winter. I belong somewhere warm (even warm-ish would suffice!), preferably with an ocean. But at this point I'd settle for any large body of water where I could just plant myself down on the sand and watch the waves and think and just... be. To me, the ocean is an embodiment of all my prayers, hopes, wishes, dreams...it's where I find peace. Right now I'm finding I need that desperately. Why? No particular reason. This is just how winter affects me.
I wish I knew how to fix it.
2 comments:
I'm sorry; I get that way sometimes too. I don't do this too often, but I find that once in awhile a tanning session helps considerably. I think they make special lamps just for this too. Maybe a getaway to the coast is in order. I hope the clouds go away and you feel better soon.
Thanks, Cali...we actually have a lamp that's supposed to help...it simulates sunlight or something. I've been sitting under it and you're right, it does help. Thanks for the well wishes...guess I just have to keep smiling and fake it till I make it!
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